From Guilt to Grace: Navigating the Emotional Landscape of Motherhood

As parents, we all want to be present for our children. We don’t want to miss soccer practice, piano recitals, or the opportunity to host a sleepover. However, at times, these responsibilities can become overwhelming. It is important to remember that these feelings are valid. Whether you work full-time or are a stay-at-home parent, caregiving alone is a significant responsibility. From packing lunches to bath time to being your child’s biggest cheerleader, it is natural to wonder: who is cheering for me?

Mom guilt often manifests in inner thoughts such as I wish I could have done more, Why couldn’t I make it work?, or My poor child deserved better. It is the feeling of not living up to one’s own expectations of what a mother should be. Minority communities often experience the Superwoman Schema, a societal expectation that discourages vulnerability. Woods-Giscombé (2010) identified five core components of this schema: (1) obligation to manifest strength, (2) obligation to suppress emotions, (3) resistance to vulnerability or dependence, (4) determination to succeed despite limited resources, and (5) obligation to help others (p. 668). This study was based on a focus group examining the lived experiences of Black women. One participant reflected stating. “I see it more now as an adult than I did as a child. One thing about Black women, they don’t let you see their stress. I never knew my mom’s burden. Never, like she would never put on a sad face for us” (Woods-Giscombé, 2010, p. 674).

One main cause of mom-guilt is burnout as it has become one of the leading causes of stress in young mothers. The endless scheduling and sleepless nights worrying about whether your child will pass their math test especially when you haven’t done pre-algebra in years can be exhausting. Many turn to tools like ChatGPT for help breaking down concepts in a way they can understand. This can cause you to feel like you are overwhelmed, and anxious.

During this time, you may also feel like you are constantly falling short, no matter how much effort you put in. The pressure to juggle work, household responsibilities, and your child’s emotional needs can leave you feeling stretched thin. You might find yourself comparing your parenting to others, wondering if you are doing enough. These feelings of inadequacy can lead to guilt and self-doubt. It is important to recognize that burnout does not mean failure. Rather, it is a sign that you need to step back and prioritize your own well-being. Seeking support from your loved ones. When feeling like this it is also important to set boundaries, and allowing yourself moments of rest can help alleviate some of the emotional weight that comes with motherhood. Remember, taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your child.

Self-Comparison and Motherhood

As moms, we often ask ourselves: What am I doing right? What am I doing wrong? If we had struggles with our own mothers, we might wonder: How can I better support my child? Am I giving them enough freedom or structure? Do they need more time with friends? Am I hovering too much? Should they spend more time with their father or other loved ones? Did I punish them too harshly?

These questions are completely valid. Every mother wants to do her best. But it’s important to remember that the way you were raised and the way you raise your children won’t look the same and that’s okay. You may find yourself thinking:

• My mom was too soft on me, so I want to be tougher on my kids.
• I didn’t get enough attention growing up, so I want to be more present for my child.
• I admire how my aunt always showed me kindness, and I want to do the same for my child.
• My sister took her kids on trips so they could see the world I want to prioritize that too.

There’s nothing wrong with learning from past experiences or role models, but remember you are your own person, and your parenting style should reflect what works for you and your child, not anyone else’s expectations. Your child might even say,”Jessie’s mom lets them go to the theaters past curfew,” making you question your own boundaries. But parenting isn’t about comparison. It’s about doing what feels right for your family. Trust yourself, set the boundaries that align with your values, and remind yourself you are doing a great job.

The Social Media Comparison Trap

In today’s digital world, it’s easy to compare yourself to the perfect moms on social media. Remember social media rarely shows the hard parts of parenting. Many influencers don’t share the moments when their child is having a meltdown, when they’re meeting with the principal to discuss behavior issues, or when they’re completely exhausted from juggling multiple responsibilities.

It’s okay if your child doesn’t have the latest trending toy. It’s okay if your priorities look different from another mom’s. Social media creates unrealistic expectations by focusing only on the positives. You don’t often see posts about struggles like the emotional weight of attending an IEP meeting and coming to terms with your child needing extra support, or the exhaustion of running from one sports game to another multiple times a week.

You are doing just fine. Don’t let curated online moments make you doubt your parenting. Every family has challenges, even if they aren’t posted for the world to see.

When experiencing these feelings, it is essential to prioritize self-care in a way that feels right for you. Below are some suggestions:

• Asking your sister to take the kids to the park so you get two hours of TV time.
• Putting them down for an early nap.
• Taking a warm bath.
• Spending time shopping for yourself.
• Writing in a journal.
• Engaging in physical activities, such as yoga or a walk.
• Connecting with a trusted friend or support group.
• Setting boundaries and allowing yourself to say no.
• Treating yourself to something you enjoy.
• Getting enough sleep and rest when needed.

The Importance of Seeking Help

This guide is not a substitute for therapy. If you need additional support, please seek professional help. Stigma plays a significant role in preventing individuals from seeking assistance, particularly in BIPOC communities. Many families are taught to prioritize resilience over rest, making it difficult to acknowledge when help is needed.  These types of cultural norms may discourage open discussions about mental health, leading to feelings of isolation. Seeking support is not a sign of weakness but rather a step toward overall well-being. Accessing resources such as therapy, support groups, or community-based programs can provide the necessary tools to navigate stress and emotional challenges. Research suggests that self-care practices are influenced by cultural beliefs and expectations, often leading individuals to dismiss their symptoms (Dickson et al., 2013).

Let’s try to break this cycle, this starts with open and honest discussions that dismantle harmful narratives about mental health and reinforce the idea that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Schools, workplaces, faith-based organizations, and social groups can play a pivotal role in promoting mental health awareness by integrating mental wellness education and fostering environments where individuals feel safe expressing their emotions without fear of judgment. Advocating for culturally affirming care is essential in addressing the unique mental health challenges faced by BIPOC communities. This means increasing access to therapists and mental health professionals who understand the cultural backgrounds, experiences, and systemic barriers that shape an individual’s mental health journey. It also requires challenging biases within the healthcare system and pushing for more inclusive policies that ensure equitable access to care, such as expanding insurance coverage, increasing funding for community-based mental health programs, and supporting initiatives that train providers in culturally responsive approaches.

Healing is not a journey that has to be taken alone. Connection and community are crucial in fostering resilience and well-being. By creating safe spaces in families, workplaces, schools, or places of worship where people feel heard, valued, and supported, we create a culture that prioritizes collective care. Mental health is not just an individual responsibility but a shared one, requiring communities to show up for one another with compassion, understanding, and encouragement. When we break the stigma, advocate for accessible and affirming care, and build supportive networks, we pave the way for future generations to approach mental health with openness, understanding, and proactive care. Thriving, not just surviving, should be the goal, and by embracing holistic wellness, we empower individuals to lead healthier, more fulfilling lives.

Resources for BIPOC Mental Health Support

Therapy for Black Girls
Inclusive Therapists

References
Dickson, V. V., McCarthy, M. M., Howe, A., Schipper, J., & Katz, S. D. (2013). Sociocultural influences on heart failure self-care among an ethnic diverse community population. The Journal of Cardiovascular Nursing, 28(1), 63-73. https://journals.lww.com/jcnjournal/abstract/2013/04000/sociocultural_influences_on_heart_failure.7.aspx

Inclusive Therapists. (n.d.). Find a culturally responsive therapist. Retrieved February 21, 2025, from https://www.inclusivetherapists.com

Therapy for Black Girls. (n.d.). Find a therapist. Retrieved February 21, 2025, from https://providers.therapyforblackgirls.com

Woods-Giscombé, C. L. (2010). Superwoman Schema: African American women’s views on stress, strength, and health. Qualitative Health Research, 20(5), 668-683. https://doi.org/10.1177/104973231036189

About the Author

Egyptsheanna Lundy is a Blogger for South Project. Based in San Francisco, she holds a B.S. in Communication Studies with a minor in Public Relations. With a solid background in policy advocacy and social media management, Egyptsheanna has focused her career on educational advancement, community engagement, and social justice. Currently pursuing a Master of Social Work, she is deeply passionate about advocating for BIPOC maternal mental health and its intersection with social justice. Her commitment to leadership development and grassroots organizing aligns seamlessly with South Project’s mission to advance social and economic justice through community-driven initiatives.

Other Articles from South Project